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Author: roguelionmedia
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Tuesdays at the WH—Cabinet Always Giddily Awaits Weekly Play Raid with Eric’s “Injuns”
Just after 3 p.m. every Tuesday, anticipation settles over the West Wing. Cabinet members, exchanging nervous giggles, rummage through the labeled costume trunk always present in the Oval Office and don ten-gallon hats and plastic sheriff badges, resigned to the President’s weekly ritual. At 3:07, a Secret Service agent cracks open the Oval Office door.…
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NASA, Now Trump Intergalactic Property Acquisitions, Inc. Plans Moon Survey for New Trump Hotels
In a press conference today, President Donald J. Trump unveiled the nation’s boldest space initiative since Apollo: a mission to put surveyors—and, more importantly, property survey marks—on the Moon, all in search of prime real estate for the next Trump International Hotel or casino. “We’re going to the Moon, folks, and not just for the…
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Trump Supporters Say Don’t Care About Inflation as Long as Opioid Co-Pays “Still Only $1.”
HUNTINGTON, WV — A new poll conducted this week in Huntington illustrates that local Trump supporters appear unconcerned about soaring grocery prices, gasoline hikes, or the fact that a pack of Marlboros now costs more than a 1998 Honda Civic, so long as Medicaid co-pays for prescription opioids “stay right at a buck.” The poll…
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New Psychiatric Study Says BSCS Often Misdiagnosed as Spasmodic Dysphonia
Hyannis Port, MA — In a shocking revelation set to influence both the medical and political worlds, a new psychiatric study published in the Journal of Often Misdiagnosed Disorders has found that Bat Shit Crazy Syndrome (BSCS) is frequently misdiagnosed as spasmodic dysphonia. The findings have unsettled the Department of Health and Human Services, where…
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Trump Hotels Inc. Says Dates for Paid Wedding Events in New WH Ballroom, “Selling Fast”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced today that dates for paid wedding events in the new White House Grand Ballroom are “selling quickly,” with prime Saturdays booked nearly through the 2030s. “Frankly, everyone wants to get married where I live, work, and—let’s be honest—make the very best presidential history,” Trump declared at a hastily…
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Thune Rents Retirement Office Space for McConnell in Attic of Bates Motel
Coeur d’Alene, ID. — Senate Majority Leader John Thune has reportedly secured a post-retirement office for Mitch McConnell in the attic of the legendary Bates Motel. Sources tout “ample privacy, strong WiFi, and charm”—all rare in federal buildings. Senator McConnell, freshly 104 (give or take a decade, depending on which Kentucky birth certificate you accept),…
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MISCELLANEOUS STORIES
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ICE Arrests Count von Count as Work Visa Revoked Following PBS Defunding
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Post Annual Physical, President Declares He Has “Most Perfect Prostate” Ever Digitally Examined
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Trump Fumes as Ship Transporting Paddleballs Destined for Administration Staff, Detained in Hormuz
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Trump Nominates “Little” Vinny DeVito, Miami Serve-Pro Wet-vac Technician, to Lead FEMA