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Category: Economy
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Trump Supporters Say Don’t Care About Inflation as Long as Opioid Co-Pays “Still Only $1.”
HUNTINGTON, WV — A new poll conducted this week in Huntington illustrates that local Trump supporters appear unconcerned about soaring grocery prices, gasoline hikes, or the fact that a pack of Marlboros now costs more than a 1998 Honda Civic, so long as Medicaid co-pays for prescription opioids “stay right at a buck.” The poll…
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Trump Says Americans Must Learn To Be Happy with Overpriced Happy Meal Without Toy
In a bold move, President Donald Trump addressed the nation from the Oval Office, telling Americans to “embrace the joy of an overpriced Happy Meal with absolutely no toy inside,” as the country faces yet another round of inflation. Trump pressed on, emphasizing the new reality. “Look, folks, we have the best Happy Meals. Tremendous…
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Angry 2-Year-Olds Smash and Grab at Local Target to Protest New Tariffs on Pull-Ups
In what experts are calling “the most organized toddler-led politically motivated insurrection ever,” dozens of furious, unclothed 2-year-olds stormed a local Target on Tuesday, shattering glass, toppling displays, and making off with armfuls of pull-up packs. Their demand: a rollback of President Trump’s newly announced 50% tariff on imported pull-ups. Witnesses described the scene as…
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Gas Soars to Almost 5 New Trump Coins Per Gallon
In a shocking sign of the times and because of the new war with Iran, Americans woke up today to find the national average price of gasoline had skyrocketed to an unprecedented five Trump Coins per gallon, sparking confusion, nostalgia for the days of just inflation, and at least one fistfight at a Florida Wawa…
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MISCELLANEOUS STORIES
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ICE Arrests Count von Count as Work Visa Revoked Following PBS Defunding
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Post Annual Physical, President Declares He Has “Most Perfect Prostate” Ever Digitally Examined
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Trump Fumes as Ship Transporting Paddleballs Destined for Administration Staff, Detained in Hormuz
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Trump Nominates “Little” Vinny DeVito, Miami Serve-Pro Wet-vac Technician, to Lead FEMA