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Category: U.S. News
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ICE Arrests Count von Count as Work Visa Revoked Following PBS Defunding
Count von Count, beloved PBS character, was detained by ICE after his work visa was revoked amid PBS funding cuts. Witnesses described the arrest as chaotic, with the Count humorously attempting to count his belongings. While supporters rally for him, opinions vary, revealing both frustration and indifference towards his predicament.
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Post Annual Physical, President Declares He Has “Most Perfect Prostate” Ever Digitally Examined
During a press conference, President Trump claimed his prostate exam was “the most perfect” ever, maintaining extraordinary health for an 80-year-old. While his doctor confirmed normal results, Trump insisted on the uniqueness of his anatomy. He also dismissed health rumors, emphasizing his strength and energy, and vowed to share his medical results publicly.
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Trump Nominates “Little” Vinny DeVito, Miami Serve-Pro Wet-vac Technician, to Lead FEMA
In a move that surprised nearly every government official, President Trump on Thursday nominated Vincent “Little Vinny” DeVito—a part-time wet-vac technician at the Miami Serve-Pro franchise—to lead the Federal Emergency Management Agency. In a press conference held outside a Florida strip mall, DeVito, still wearing his signature lime-green Serve-Pro polo, admitted, “Honestly, I just started…
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Mystery Solved for Millions Missing for Trump Library
WASHINGTON, D.C. — For months, investigators have been puzzled over the mysterious disappearance of $100 million designated for the Donald J. Trump Presidential Library. This week, the mystery was solved brilliantly, after a White House staffer accidentally took a photo of Don Trump Jr., Eric Trump, and Barron Trump waving from the top floor of…
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Democrats Demand Congressman Resign After Refusing to Ask Aide About Preferred Pronouns
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning act of defiance that has rocked the Democratic Party to its core, Rep. Elliot “Democrat Alleged Misogynist” Mathers (D-MA) is facing calls for immediate resignation after reportedly failing to ask a junior staffer about their preferred pronouns during a routine office introduction. The incident, which sources say lasted approximately…
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MS Officials in Stand-off with KKK, Demanding They Continue to Work During State Liquor Shortage
JACKSON, MS — The state of Mississippi entered its seventh week of a historic liquor shortage Wednesday, but state officials say the real crisis is not in empty bar shelves, but in the sudden drop in productivity among the Ku Klux Klan. After a spike in voting rights registrations and an unprecedented wave of peaceful,…
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MISCELLANEOUS STORIES
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ICE Arrests Count von Count as Work Visa Revoked Following PBS Defunding
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Post Annual Physical, President Declares He Has “Most Perfect Prostate” Ever Digitally Examined
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Trump Fumes as Ship Transporting Paddleballs Destined for Administration Staff, Detained in Hormuz
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Trump Nominates “Little” Vinny DeVito, Miami Serve-Pro Wet-vac Technician, to Lead FEMA