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Category: Top Stories
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Patel Takes Houthis Off Watch List, Says Word Too Hard to Say After Drinking
WASHINGTON — FBI Director Kash Patel announced the Houthis are off the terrorist watch list, citing “logistical and phonetic challenges.” “Try saying ‘Houthis’ after a few drinks,” Patel said, gripping the podium. “It’s a tongue twister. Our agents deserve better.” The decision surprised national security officials, coming after what sources described as “a long Thursday…
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Trump’s New Tehran Luxury Hotel Demand Disrupts U.S.- Iranian Nuclear Talks
GENEVA — Nuclear talks between the United States and Iran collapsed for the third time this week after Iranian officials rejected what American negotiators described as “a completely standard, non-negotiable precondition” — that any peace agreement include a 99-year ground lease on prime Tehran real estate for a planned 70-story luxury hotel and golf resort…
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Trump Fumes as Ship Transporting Paddleballs Destined for Administration Staff, Detained in Hormuz
In a dramatic escalation of international tensions, President Donald Trump lashed out Sunday morning after a cargo ship carrying 40,000 paddleballs—reportedly intended for exclusive use by White House staff—was detained in the Strait of Hormuz by Iranian authorities. “Frankly, this is the biggest tragedy I’ve seen since they took my Diet Coke button,” Trump declared…
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U.S. Fertility Rates Drop Again as Southern States Raise Legal Marriage Age to 16
In a shocking move that experts say could threaten the very fabric of America’s leading supplier of shotgun weddings, several Southern states have boldly decided to raise the legal marriage age to 16—effectively dashing the hopes and dreams of every lovestruck 8th grader from Biloxi to Backwater County. The new law, which comes after decades…
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MISCELLANEOUS STORIES
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Patel Takes Houthis Off Watch List, Says Word Too Hard to Say After Drinking
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Trump’s New Tehran Luxury Hotel Demand Disrupts U.S.- Iranian Nuclear Talks
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ICE Arrests Count von Count as Work Visa Revoked Following PBS Defunding
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Post Annual Physical, President Declares He Has “Most Perfect Prostate” Ever Digitally Examined