TOP STORIES
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ICE Arrests Count von Count as Work Visa Revoked Following PBS Defunding
Count von Count, beloved PBS character, was detained by ICE after his work visa was revoked amid PBS funding cuts.…
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Post Annual Physical, President Declares He Has “Most Perfect Prostate” Ever Digitally Examined
During a press conference, President Trump claimed his prostate exam was “the most perfect” ever, maintaining extraordinary health for an…
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In Blistering Social Media Post, God Responds to “Dinkie Donny’s” Criticism of Pope
HEAVEN—In a rare break from ages of celestial silence, God took to social media Monday morning to address President Donald…
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Netanyahu Convinces Trump, Pope Leo, and Vatican City Next “Imminent Threat”
In a surprising move that has left international observers reciting their rosaries and scratching their heads, Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu…
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Bible Now on Mandatory Reading List for All 15 Years of Texas Grade School
AUSTIN, TX — In a bold move to address “educashunal priorities,” Texas lawmakers announced today that the Holy Bible will…
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Leavitt Flaunts New IEP, says Allows her Extended Time to Make up Believable Stories
WASHINGTON — In a surprise press briefing, White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt announced she’s now on an Individualized Education…
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God says He and Trump not talked since before first Epstein Party, and particularly not About War
Heaven — In an exclusive revelation that’s left theologians and White House press secretaries scrambling for new talking points, God…
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Trump Keeps Noem on in New Position as National Training Director for Iditarod
In a move that shocked Democrats, Republicans, and the Alaskan sled dog community, President Trump announced today that former DHS…
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Patel Commandeers FBI 747 to Hear Girlfriend Hum National Anthem While on Route to St. Thomas
Washington, D.C. — FBI Director Kash Patel reportedly diverted the Bureau’s only Boeing 747—affectionately known in agency circles as “Big…
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