U.S. NEWS
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MS Officials in Stand-off with KKK, Demanding They Continue to Work During State Liquor Shortage
JACKSON, MS — The state of Mississippi entered its seventh week of a historic liquor shortage Wednesday, but state officials…
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SCOTUS Admits They All “Usually Been Drinking at Kavanaugh’s” While Making New Term Decisions
In a move that shocked nobody and who’s ever wondered what really happens behind those imposing marble columns, the Supreme…
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ICE Begins National Raids on Any Venue Hiding a Taco Tuesday on Their Menu
In a sweeping escalation of its immigration enforcement efforts, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents fanned out across the…
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U.S. Fertility Rates Drop Again as Southern States Raise Legal Marriage Age to 16
In a shocking move that experts say could threaten the very fabric of America’s leading supplier of shotgun weddings, several…
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Supporters Still Patiently Awaiting Campaign Promise of Free Tickets to “Gullible’s Getaway Weekend”
PALM BEACH, FL — For the seventh consecutive year, diehard MAGA enthusiasts nationwide are clinging to hope that their long-awaited…
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NASA, Now Trump Intergalactic Property Acquisitions, Inc. Plans Moon Survey for New Trump Hotels
In a press conference today, President Donald J. Trump unveiled the nation’s boldest space initiative since Apollo: a mission to…
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Patel Commandeers FBI 747 to Hear Girlfriend Hum National Anthem While on Route to St. Thomas
Washington, D.C. — FBI Director Kash Patel reportedly diverted the Bureau’s only Boeing 747—affectionately known in agency circles as “Big…
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Announcing “War-on-Woke”, Hegseth Starts Speech With Favorite Blond Joke
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that even the most hardened members of the Trump administration found shocking, newly appointed…
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Remaining FEMA Staff Re-assigned to “Rescuing” Food Truck Owners “Swamped” During D.C. Lunch Hour
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold move likely to redefine the concept of “emergency response,” the Department of Homeland Security…
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N.Y.’s Gov. Hochul Implements New Homeless Persons Congestion Pricing Program in NYC
In a move that has shocked exactly no one and confused everyone else, New York Governor Kathy Hochul announced her…
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