by
Category: U.S. Politics
-
Trump Nominates “Little” Vinny DeVito, Miami Serve-Pro Wet-vac Technician, to Lead FEMA
In a move that surprised nearly every government official, President Trump on Thursday nominated Vincent “Little Vinny” DeVito—a part-time wet-vac technician at the Miami Serve-Pro franchise—to lead the Federal Emergency Management Agency. In a press conference held outside a Florida strip mall, DeVito, still wearing his signature lime-green Serve-Pro polo, admitted, “Honestly, I just started…
-
Mystery Solved for Millions Missing for Trump Library
WASHINGTON, D.C. — For months, investigators have been puzzled over the mysterious disappearance of $100 million designated for the Donald J. Trump Presidential Library. This week, the mystery was solved brilliantly, after a White House staffer accidentally took a photo of Don Trump Jr., Eric Trump, and Barron Trump waving from the top floor of…
by
-
Democrats Demand Congressman Resign After Refusing to Ask Aide About Preferred Pronouns
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning act of defiance that has rocked the Democratic Party to its core, Rep. Elliot “Democrat Alleged Misogynist” Mathers (D-MA) is facing calls for immediate resignation after reportedly failing to ask a junior staffer about their preferred pronouns during a routine office introduction. The incident, which sources say lasted approximately…
by
-
Trump Properties Awarded Contract to Manage Toll Booth and New McDonald’s at “Golden Arches de Trump”
The federal government announced today that Trump Properties, Inc. has been awarded a “lifetime contract” to manage both the toll booth and a new McDonald’s at the newly proposed majestic Golden Arches de Trump. The monument, a seventy-story fusion of fast food and self-aggrandizement, was recently proposed by President Donald J. Trump as a “historic,…
by
-
F.C.C. Chair Threatens Suit with D.C. Chinese Buffet Over President’s Unfavorable Cookie Fortune
During a recent Fox News interview, the FCC Chair promised legal action after President Trump received a fortune cookie that read, “You may soon unexpectedly face the consequences of your actions, maybe in the mid-term elections.” Sources say the President immediately asked whether the kitchen staff was “part of the deep state.” Aides said the…
by
-
Leavitt Flaunts New IEP, says Allows her Extended Time to Make up Believable Stories
WASHINGTON — In a surprise press briefing, White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt announced she’s now on an Individualized Education Plan (IEP), giving her 50% extra time to conjure up narratives for the press. “More time to invent realities for you all—now that’s real executive privilege,” Leavitt quipped, waving her new Oval Office hall pass.…
by
MISCELLANEOUS STORIES
-
ICE Arrests Count von Count as Work Visa Revoked Following PBS Defunding
-
Post Annual Physical, President Declares He Has “Most Perfect Prostate” Ever Digitally Examined
-
Trump Fumes as Ship Transporting Paddleballs Destined for Administration Staff, Detained in Hormuz
-
Trump Nominates “Little” Vinny DeVito, Miami Serve-Pro Wet-vac Technician, to Lead FEMA