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Category: U.S. Politics
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Trump Fires Bondi Says, “Wasn’t Aggressively Prosecuting” Prom Date Snub from 1964
In a bizarre twist that even the most seasoned devout MAGA followers are struggling to process, President Donald Trump has fired Attorney General Pam Bondi. The reason? Her alleged failure to “aggressively prosecute” what Trump claims was a life-altering injustice: his supposed snubbing at the 1964 Wharton High School Prom. The Risible reached out to…
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Tuesdays at the WH—Cabinet Always Giddily Awaits Weekly Play Raid with Eric’s “Injuns”
Just after 3 p.m. every Tuesday, anticipation settles over the West Wing. Cabinet members, exchanging nervous giggles, rummage through the labeled costume trunk always present in the Oval Office and don ten-gallon hats and plastic sheriff badges, resigned to the President’s weekly ritual. At 3:07, a Secret Service agent cracks open the Oval Office door.…
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Thune Rents Retirement Office Space for McConnell in Attic of Bates Motel
Coeur d’Alene, ID. — Senate Majority Leader John Thune has reportedly secured a post-retirement office for Mitch McConnell in the attic of the legendary Bates Motel. Sources tout “ample privacy, strong WiFi, and charm”—all rare in federal buildings. Senator McConnell, freshly 104 (give or take a decade, depending on which Kentucky birth certificate you accept),…
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Man Who Says He’s “Sick of Stupid” Pulls Costumed Bulldog Through Capitol
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senator Thom Tillis (R-NC) made headlines Tuesday after he was spotted dragging a bulldog clad in a feather boa, Mardi Gras beads, and what sources described as “the world’s tiniest top hat” through the halls of the U.S. Capitol in a cart adorned with tinsel and an alarming amount of glitter. The…
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DHS Pick Mullin Boasts of ‘Special Assignments’ Abroad, Alludes He Once Dated ‘Pussy Galore’
Washington, D.C. — President Trump announced today that Oklahoma Senator Markwayne “Skeeter” Mullin is his pick for Secretary of Homeland Security. The nomination, widely seen as a nod to America’s love of rugged individualism and men who allegedly own more camo than furniture, has already sparked controversy — not least because of Mullin’s mysterious references…
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Democrats’ Response to SOU Indicates They Apparently Not Interested in Winning Midterms
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the latest sign that congressional Democrats are embracing defeat like a weighted blanket, Virginia Governor Abigail Spanberger delivered the party’s official response to President Trump’s State of the Union Address Wednesday night, leaving viewers across the nation wondering if Democrats have simply decided that winning elections is just overrated. Spanberger, who…
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