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Category: This Week at the White House
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Trump Nominates “Little” Vinny DeVito, Miami Serve-Pro Wet-vac Technician, to Lead FEMA
In a move that surprised nearly every government official, President Trump on Thursday nominated Vincent “Little Vinny” DeVito—a part-time wet-vac technician at the Miami Serve-Pro franchise—to lead the Federal Emergency Management Agency. In a press conference held outside a Florida strip mall, DeVito, still wearing his signature lime-green Serve-Pro polo, admitted, “Honestly, I just started…
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Mystery Solved for Millions Missing for Trump Library
WASHINGTON, D.C. — For months, investigators have been puzzled over the mysterious disappearance of $100 million designated for the Donald J. Trump Presidential Library. This week, the mystery was solved brilliantly, after a White House staffer accidentally took a photo of Don Trump Jr., Eric Trump, and Barron Trump waving from the top floor of…
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Trump Properties Awarded Contract to Manage Toll Booth and New McDonald’s at “Golden Arches de Trump”
The federal government announced today that Trump Properties, Inc. has been awarded a “lifetime contract” to manage both the toll booth and a new McDonald’s at the newly proposed majestic Golden Arches de Trump. The monument, a seventy-story fusion of fast food and self-aggrandizement, was recently proposed by President Donald J. Trump as a “historic,…
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F.C.C. Chair Threatens Suit with D.C. Chinese Buffet Over President’s Unfavorable Cookie Fortune
During a recent Fox News interview, the FCC Chair promised legal action after President Trump received a fortune cookie that read, “You may soon unexpectedly face the consequences of your actions, maybe in the mid-term elections.” Sources say the President immediately asked whether the kitchen staff was “part of the deep state.” Aides said the…
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Leavitt Flaunts New IEP, says Allows her Extended Time to Make up Believable Stories
WASHINGTON — In a surprise press briefing, White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt announced she’s now on an Individualized Education Plan (IEP), giving her 50% extra time to conjure up narratives for the press. “More time to invent realities for you all—now that’s real executive privilege,” Leavitt quipped, waving her new Oval Office hall pass.…
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Trump Fires Bondi Says, “Wasn’t Aggressively Prosecuting” Prom Date Snub from 1964
In a bizarre twist that even the most seasoned devout MAGA followers are struggling to process, President Donald Trump has fired Attorney General Pam Bondi. The reason? Her alleged failure to “aggressively prosecute” what Trump claims was a life-altering injustice: his supposed snubbing at the 1964 Wharton High School Prom. The Risible reached out to…
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MISCELLANEOUS STORIES
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Patel Takes Houthis Off Watch List, Says Word Too Hard to Say After Drinking
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Trump’s New Tehran Luxury Hotel Demand Disrupts U.S.- Iranian Nuclear Talks
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ICE Arrests Count von Count as Work Visa Revoked Following PBS Defunding
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Post Annual Physical, President Declares He Has “Most Perfect Prostate” Ever Digitally Examined