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Category: U.S. Politics
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WH Says Children Will Now Require $5 Million Gold Card to Participate in 2027 Easter Egg Roll
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move White House officials are calling “the logical next step in American childhood,” the Trump administration announced Friday that all children wishing to participate in the 2027 White House Easter Egg Roll will be required to present a $5 million Gold Card at the gate. President Trump unveiled the new…
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D.C. Law Firms Agree to Trump’s Demand That Staff Dress Like Pinocchio During Federal Court Appearances
Several top Washington, D.C., law firms have agreed to President Trump’s new rule: attorneys opposing the administration in federal court must appear dressed as Pinocchio. Effective immediately, this means suspenders, short pants, and, most importantly, a prosthetic nose that grows during cross-examinations and is remotely controlled by the Department of Justice in the Office of…
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Sesame Street Characters Strike Deal to Deliver President’s Daily National Security Briefings
In an unprecedented move that has left both intelligence officials and puppeteers scratching their heads, the beloved cast of Sesame Street has reportedly inked a deal to deliver the President’s daily national security briefing pro bono—in exchange for a promise not to defund PBS. Sources close to the negotiations say the arrangement was struck late…
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MISCELLANEOUS STORIES
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ICE Arrests Count von Count as Work Visa Revoked Following PBS Defunding
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Post Annual Physical, President Declares He Has “Most Perfect Prostate” Ever Digitally Examined
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Trump Fumes as Ship Transporting Paddleballs Destined for Administration Staff, Detained in Hormuz
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Trump Nominates “Little” Vinny DeVito, Miami Serve-Pro Wet-vac Technician, to Lead FEMA