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Category: U.S. News
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National Minority Group Reports First Decline in Population of “Crackers and Peckerwoods” Since 1790
In a move that has left historians, demographers, and several cranky Facebook uncles angry, the National Minority Group announced on Thursday that the United States has experienced its first recorded decline in the population of “Crackers and Peckerwoods” since the very first census in 1790. The report, delivered with the somber gravity usually reserved for…
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N.Y.’s Gov. Hochul Implements New Homeless Persons Congestion Pricing Program in NYC
In a move that has shocked exactly no one and confused everyone else, New York Governor Kathy Hochul announced her boldest initiative yet: the Homeless Persons Congestion Pricing Program. Effective immediately, any sidewalk, subway grate, or public bench south of 60th Street will require the city’s homeless population to pay a variable “congestion fee” to…
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MISCELLANEOUS STORIES
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Patel Takes Houthis Off Watch List, Says Word Too Hard to Say After Drinking
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Trump’s New Tehran Luxury Hotel Demand Disrupts U.S.- Iranian Nuclear Talks
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ICE Arrests Count von Count as Work Visa Revoked Following PBS Defunding
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Post Annual Physical, President Declares He Has “Most Perfect Prostate” Ever Digitally Examined