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Author: roguelionmedia
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Mystery Solved for Millions Missing for Trump Library
WASHINGTON, D.C. — For months, investigators have been puzzled over the mysterious disappearance of $100 million designated for the Donald J. Trump Presidential Library. This week, the mystery was solved brilliantly, after a White House staffer accidentally took a photo of Don Trump Jr., Eric Trump, and Barron Trump waving from the top floor of…
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Democrats Demand Congressman Resign After Refusing to Ask Aide About Preferred Pronouns
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning act of defiance that has rocked the Democratic Party to its core, Rep. Elliot “Democrat Alleged Misogynist” Mathers (D-MA) is facing calls for immediate resignation after reportedly failing to ask a junior staffer about their preferred pronouns during a routine office introduction. The incident, which sources say lasted approximately…
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New Ayatollah Suggests No More Addresses on Invitations for Weekly Harem Parties
TEHRAN—In a bid to bolster operational security and preserve what remains of Iran’s senior leadership, Iran’s freshly minted Supreme Leader, Ayatollah “No-Reply-All” Khamenei, has issued a sweeping new edict: “No more addresses on harem party invitations. Effective immediately.” The announcement came just days after multiple U.S. airstrikes, triggered by a wayward Evite, decimated the Guardian…
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MS Officials in Stand-off with KKK, Demanding They Continue to Work During State Liquor Shortage
JACKSON, MS — The state of Mississippi entered its seventh week of a historic liquor shortage Wednesday, but state officials say the real crisis is not in empty bar shelves, but in the sudden drop in productivity among the Ku Klux Klan. After a spike in voting rights registrations and an unprecedented wave of peaceful,…
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In Blistering Social Media Post, God Responds to “Dinkie Donny’s” Criticism of Pope
HEAVEN—In a rare break from ages of celestial silence, God took to social media Monday morning to address President Donald J. Trump’s recent tirade against Pope Leo XIV, issuing a statement that left theologians and Facebook users alike scrambling for their Bibles and God speak translation dictionaries. “Just saw ‘Dinkie Donny’ blabbering about my guy…
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Trump Properties Awarded Contract to Manage Toll Booth and New McDonald’s at “Golden Arches de Trump”
The federal government announced today that Trump Properties, Inc. has been awarded a “lifetime contract” to manage both the toll booth and a new McDonald’s at the newly proposed majestic Golden Arches de Trump. The monument, a seventy-story fusion of fast food and self-aggrandizement, was recently proposed by President Donald J. Trump as a “historic,…
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MISCELLANEOUS STORIES
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Patel Takes Houthis Off Watch List, Says Word Too Hard to Say After Drinking
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Trump’s New Tehran Luxury Hotel Demand Disrupts U.S.- Iranian Nuclear Talks
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ICE Arrests Count von Count as Work Visa Revoked Following PBS Defunding
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Post Annual Physical, President Declares He Has “Most Perfect Prostate” Ever Digitally Examined