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Tag: Trump
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God says He and Trump not talked since before first Epstein Party, and particularly not About War
Heaven — In an exclusive revelation that’s left theologians and White House press secretaries scrambling for new talking points, God announced Tuesday that He has not spoken to Donald Trump “since sometime before the guest list for that first Epstein party went out.” The statement came just hours after President Trump boldly asserted, “God is…
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Supporters Still Patiently Awaiting Campaign Promise of Free Tickets to “Gullible’s Getaway Weekend”
PALM BEACH, FL — For the seventh consecutive year, diehard MAGA enthusiasts nationwide are clinging to hope that their long-awaited campaign promise of an all-expense-paid weekend at Mar-a-Lago for the “Gullibles Getaway Weekend”—a resort package repeatedly teased by Donald Trump at campaign rallies and promised in exchange for their vote—will finally come to fruition. The…
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TKC Takes 2 Year Hiatus After Trump Announces He’s Lead Ballerina for 2026 Nutcracker
In an announcement that spread across social media faster than a ballerina on Black Friday, former President Donald Trump told the Trump-Kennedy Center’s director that he will indeed be headlining next year’s Nutcracker as the lead ballerina. The news broke late Tuesday, along with a photo of Trump in a pink tutu and diamond-studded pointe…
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WH Says Children Will Now Require $5 Million Gold Card to Participate in 2027 Easter Egg Roll
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move White House officials are calling “the logical next step in American childhood,” the Trump administration announced Friday that all children wishing to participate in the 2027 White House Easter Egg Roll will be required to present a $5 million Gold Card at the gate. President Trump unveiled the new…
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Cuba Offers Trump Vintage 1964 Cadillac Seville and Night with Gloria Estefan to Lift Embargo
HAVANA — In a move that political analysts describe as ‘bold’ and ‘definitely not in the history books,’ Cuba has reportedly increased its efforts to lift the U.S. embargo. The country is offering Donald Trump a 1964 vintage Cadillac Seville and an all-expenses-paid evening with Cuban Sound Machine legend Gloria Estefan. Sources say the offer…
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D.C. Law Firms Agree to Trump’s Demand That Staff Dress Like Pinocchio During Federal Court Appearances
Several top Washington, D.C., law firms have agreed to President Trump’s new rule: attorneys opposing the administration in federal court must appear dressed as Pinocchio. Effective immediately, this means suspenders, short pants, and, most importantly, a prosthetic nose that grows during cross-examinations and is remotely controlled by the Department of Justice in the Office of…
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MISCELLANEOUS STORIES
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ICE Arrests Count von Count as Work Visa Revoked Following PBS Defunding
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Post Annual Physical, President Declares He Has “Most Perfect Prostate” Ever Digitally Examined
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Trump Fumes as Ship Transporting Paddleballs Destined for Administration Staff, Detained in Hormuz
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Trump Nominates “Little” Vinny DeVito, Miami Serve-Pro Wet-vac Technician, to Lead FEMA