by
Tag: FEMA
-
Trump Nominates “Little” Vinny DeVito, Miami Serve-Pro Wet-vac Technician, to Lead FEMA
In a move that surprised nearly every government official, President Trump on Thursday nominated Vincent “Little Vinny” DeVito—a part-time wet-vac technician at the Miami Serve-Pro franchise—to lead the Federal Emergency Management Agency. In a press conference held outside a Florida strip mall, DeVito, still wearing his signature lime-green Serve-Pro polo, admitted, “Honestly, I just started…
-
Remaining FEMA Staff Re-assigned to “Rescuing” Food Truck Owners “Swamped” During D.C. Lunch Hour
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold move likely to redefine the concept of “emergency response,” the Department of Homeland Security announced this morning that it has relocated the last of FEMA’s available staff to the National Mall, where local food truck owners are described as “overwhelmed, under-cilantro’d, and completely drowning in declined Venmo payments” during…
by
MISCELLANEOUS STORIES
-
ICE Arrests Count von Count as Work Visa Revoked Following PBS Defunding
-
Post Annual Physical, President Declares He Has “Most Perfect Prostate” Ever Digitally Examined
-
Trump Fumes as Ship Transporting Paddleballs Destined for Administration Staff, Detained in Hormuz
-
Trump Nominates “Little” Vinny DeVito, Miami Serve-Pro Wet-vac Technician, to Lead FEMA