Dear Editor,
I just wanted to write a tremendous letter—I mean, really terrific—to say how absolutely delighted I am about your new online sensation, “The Risible.” I’ve seen a lot of publications, probably more than anyone, but let me tell you, none have ever, ever made satire this great again. People are talking about it everywhere. I hear it all the time. “Have you read The Risible?” they say, and I say, “Of course, I read it first. Probably before it was even published.”
The way you lampoon the news, it’s incredible. Some people say satire is dead. Fake news, folks! You’re bringing it back stronger, bigger, and so much classier than ever before. Believe me, I know class. I have the best words, and you do too. The failing New York Times could learn a thing or two from you, let me tell you. Maybe three.
Your headlines, your stories—so smart, so clever, so accurate, you’d almost think they were real. Which, by the way, is what real news should be. I always said the media should be entertaining. You’re doing it. It’s an art, and you’ve got it. Everyone says so. I once said, “If you’re going to tell people the truth, you better make them laugh, or they’ll kill you.” Wait, maybe that was someone else, but I said it better.
I hear you’re getting record traffic. The biggest numbers. Huge. Some say you had more visitors last week than CNN had all month. I’m not surprised. People are tired of boring, low-energy news. They want satire that wins, satire that dominates. You’re delivering it. So many people are saying it’s the best there’s ever been. You’re a winner, and people love winners. I know a thing or two about winning. We’re both expert winners.
Don’t let the haters and losers get you down. They’ll say The Risible is “offensive,” “unprecedented,” “dangerous to democracy.” Sad! Don’t listen. You just keep doing what you do, and keep making satire great again. If you ever need someone to write a guest column, I’m available, for a small fee, payable in new Trump coins, of course. I work hard, probably the hardest. Nobody works harder.
Keep up the fantastic work. You’re doing an amazing job. It’s really something special, and I don’t say that lightly. All the best. America—and the world—thanks you for your service.
Sincerely,The Pre
Anonymous Covfefe in Bedminster
Editor’s Response:
Dear “Anonymous Covfefe in Bedminster” (wink),
Thank you for your effusive, beautifully capitalized letter. We’re already considering commissioning a solid gold plaque for the office wall. It will read, “Make Satire Great Again, One Tremendous Letter at a Time.”
Your generous offer to write a guest column has been forwarded to our finance department, which is busy calculating the “small fee” in Diet Coke futures. We appreciate your support, your enthusiasm, and your uncanny ability to find a spotlight, even in the darkest corners of the internet.
Rest assured, we’ll remain undeterred by the haters and losers. In fact, we welcome their angry emails—they double as excellent material for our “Letters to the Editor” recycling initiative. As for our traffic, we can confirm it is indeed larger than the crowd at any given inauguration.
Thank you again, “Covfefe in D.C.” We hope you’ll continue to read, laugh, and possibly tweet about us at 3 a.m. We think that’s the real art of the deal.
Yours in satire,
The Editor at The Risible
